Friday, February 5, 2010

American Society for Recovering Ass-Wholes

I suspect my blogstalking ex-boyfriend is trying to get me in trouble with Google over Ass-Wholes Great and Small (Stonerdate 01.30.10). He's the one who won't talk to me but used to look at the blog regularly from a carrel in the libray. The same one who is smart about money, dividend stocks and mutual funds, but is a dummy when it comes to people.

I don't know if he would report me for offensive content, but evidence suggests he contacted Google to have the post removed from Google search results. I would like to state for all time that I have complete respect for Google. I'm pretty sure the only people who don't have complete respect for Google are in the Chinese government.

Anyone can request that a post be removed from search results under certain conditions - such as your social security number gets up on the internet. You're only supposed to do that if you can't reach a successful resolution with the author of the post. Google needs to know that Bluestar727 could say or do any number of things that might lead to a successful resolution.

Specifically, he could admit he is an Ass-Whole. He could admit it in private - like over a nice bottle of wine in a lovely restaurant where he picks up the entire tab for a change. Or he could add a new demension to his internet character by taking the first step to becoming a Recovering Ass-Whole over at Woody's new place, The American Society for Recovering Ass-Wholes (AS-RAW).

Woody's taking nominations for Ass-Wholes in various categories. Pop on over there to nominate your personal favorites. Since this project is still in the formative stages, we've got to develop criteria for each category - kind of like a cross between the DSM-IV and a Cosmo Quiz. It's the perfect time for ideas and suggestions or for volunteering to be on the Ass-Whole Patrol.

The thing I like about AS-RAW is that it provides a space for analyzing ass-wholery so that our own blogs don't become polluted with negative energy. It also provides a way to send Google over to AS-RAW if somebody finds it troubling that they're being called an Ass-Whole on the internet.

I have confidence that with all his experience at pissing off people, Woody will already be familiar with the legalities of this sort of activity. Woody can also figure out how folks can post their own personal stories of Confronting Ass-Wholery. I believe he considers himself to be the first Recovering Ass-Whole in America, so it makes sense that Woody leads the pack on the road to recovery.

The Society will never, ever have an impact on Spectacular Ass-Wholes like Sarah Palin, Rush Limbaugh and, my personal favorite, Dick Cheney. There is, however, a slight chance that an ordinary individual might look at himself in the mirror a little differently once s/he's been nominated. A very slight chance since nearly all ass-wholes think they are perfectly fine. They even feel like misunderstood martyrs and recommend therapy to those of us who find them toxic.

I expect there were days when Elmer Fudd felt like a misunderstood, mistreated martyr because of the way he was treated by Daffy and Bugs.
This business between me and that Ass-Whole will have to go on the back burner because I've got other fish to fry. Velvet remains my first priority. There is much to be done regarding the move to Austin, and I have to consider the Menopausal Stoners Alternative Tea Party and The Militia.

That Guy Who Won't Talk to me may be useful as a cautionary tale, but those characters are a drag at parties. Ergo: If he wants to read about himself anymore, he can go over to Redemption and Retribution on the Bluestar Trail. We seem to all agree that things in America are going to get worse as the class war escalates. The time has come to choose sides just like back in the day when Florence Reed wrote "Which Side Are You On?" (Stonerdate 01.10.10). Unless That Guy has an epiphany, he belongs with the Ass-Wholes. I confess I'm sad about it, though. Even Buzz Kill and Vagina Dentata aren't Ass-Wholes.

Thanks and a big Shout Out to Dan at Pruning Shears for recognizing Menopausal Stoners on Blogroll Amesty Day. I'm honored to be included.


Comrade Kevin said...

Amazing the way ex-people can try to interject themselves when you've got much better things to do.

PENolan said...

Ex-people? Good one.
I'm pretty sure he stopped being human and became an Ass-Whole before he got out of high school.

Enjoy the snow.

dissed said...

So he obsessively monitors your blog just in case he's mentioned, which is WHY he is mentioned; and when he is, he freaks and tries to have it removed. Therefore, he really doesn't have anything better to do. You must have brought SO much excitement to his life.

PENolan said...

Actually, dissed, I yanked his chain about that post since he pulled some shit in December. I asked for an explanation. He always plays like he can't hear me when I contact him directly, but this time I'm mad which is why we have to take it back behind the woodshed.

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