If you happen to be in Brooklyn on the evening of October 2nd, drop by The Red Horse Cafe for a screening of the popular documentary Why We Wax from Kimbery M. Wetherell and Amy Axelson of She Shoots to Conquer.
I can't make it because I'll be up at Tree Hugger Academy for the annual barbecue which must be something like Homecoming except that Tree Hugger Academy does not have a football team. They use Syracuse University's football team for the day. The athletes at Tree Hugger Academy are more into Extreme Frisbee. The school has golf, soccer and cross country teams, but they are best known for their intercollegiate Woodsmen team which has been competing since 1911 in traditional timber sports. Velvet may join next year. For now, He's gotten into student government and is in charge of securing vegan dining options in the student union near the freshman dorms. Velvet himself is not remotely vegetarian. As soon as he mastered the art of eating solid foods, me and Buzz Kill let him gnaw on beef ribs as big as his little head.
Now that Why We Wax is on Current TV and has a distributor, more people are seeing it which means it's only a matter of time before my mother is thankful I appear under my pseudonym. I'm thinking my mother would not want to be associated in any way shape or form with anything I said in Why We Wax.
She knows I was in it, of course. As it happens, Kimberly and I used to share the same nail salon, and when Kimberly was looking for wax stories, the owner put us in touch on account of the time I accidentally got half a Brazilian wax. The Rebbe Mohammed McCrory figured prominently in that ridiculous incident, and when my mother first heard the story, she laughed so hard she peed - and we were sober.
That's pretty much all my mother knows about it, however. If she heard my observations regarding oral sex and orgasms relative to Brazilian Bikini Waxes, she'd be mortified. I didn't get explicit. I simply said that it was my feminist right - nay! a feminist imperative - to have as many orgasms as I possibly could.
Mother thinks oral sex is tacky. In fact, she has declared that Bill Clinton and Monica Lewisnki are perverts. I expect her attitude is a result of having Granny the Ho for a mother. When my mom first started getting used to the idea that my easing into a second career as a writer would be personally mortifying for her, I pointed out that her embarrassment at my behavior most likely wouldn't be any worse than what she suffered as a child because her mother was a Divorcee. Back in the 40's when mom was a kid, some people wouldn't let their children play with her because of Granny the Ho. That's one of the main reasons my mother made damn sure that there would never be any doubt that my sister and I were Nice Girls.
Whatever I have done that would embarrass my mother, I'd like the record to show that I always sat up straight and crossed my legs at the ankle as prescribed by The John Robert Powers Way to Teenage Beauty, Charm and Popularity (Prentice-Hall, 1962). Whatever I may have said, I said it like a lady. A lady who cusses like a sailor, perhaps, but a lady none the less.
At least I said some very nice things about HCW in the process. A few of his good points happened to come up in the interview Kimberly and Amy taped and included in the documentary. And I am not the woman who says "You haven't lived until you've had hot wax in your ass." That's Rock n Roll Hot Mama, Robin Slick, who wrote Daddy Left Me Alone with God which may or may not be a memoir involving Eric Clapton.
This is the trailer showing on Current TV where a person can download the film thanks to Al Gore. Or an interested individual can go to WhyWeWax.com and buy a copy for $6.00.
As wonderful as being in Why We Wax is, I'm looking forward to sharing new material on November 19th at KGB where I'll be reading in the humor series Drunken!Careening!Writers! The reading is free and the drinks are (relatively) inexpensive. Maybe I'll have the story finished that my friend Kyle wants me to submit to this year's Best Lesbian Erotica. For the record, I self-designate as heterosexual, but I still have something to contribute to a girl on girl erotic discussion. This Time Out New York article says Drunken!Careening! at KGB is part of Essential New York (the DCW part is near the end). If you happen to be downtown, do drop in.
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