Monday, September 21, 2009

Coming Attractions

If you happen to be in Brooklyn on the evening of October 2nd, drop by The Red Horse Cafe for a screening of the popular documentary Why We Wax from Kimbery M. Wetherell and Amy Axelson of She Shoots to Conquer.

I can't make it because I'll be up at Tree Hugger Academy for the annual barbecue which must be something like Homecoming except that Tree Hugger Academy does not have a football team. They use Syracuse University's football team for the day. The athletes at Tree Hugger Academy are more into Extreme Frisbee. The school has golf, soccer and cross country teams, but they are best known for their intercollegiate Woodsmen team which has been competing since 1911 in traditional timber sports. Velvet may join next year. For now, He's gotten into student government and is in charge of securing vegan dining options in the student union near the freshman dorms. Velvet himself is not remotely vegetarian. As soon as he mastered the art of eating solid foods, me and Buzz Kill let him gnaw on beef ribs as big as his little head.

Now that Why We Wax is on Current TV and has a distributor, more people are seeing it which means it's only a matter of time before my mother is thankful I appear under my pseudonym. I'm thinking my mother would not want to be associated in any way shape or form with anything I said in Why We Wax.

She knows I was in it, of course. As it happens, Kimberly and I used to share the same nail salon, and when Kimberly was looking for wax stories, the owner put us in touch on account of the time I accidentally got half a Brazilian wax. The Rebbe Mohammed McCrory figured prominently in that ridiculous incident, and when my mother first heard the story, she laughed so hard she peed - and we were sober.

That's pretty much all my mother knows about it, however. If she heard my observations regarding oral sex and orgasms relative to Brazilian Bikini Waxes, she'd be mortified. I didn't get explicit. I simply said that it was my feminist right - nay! a feminist imperative - to have as many orgasms as I possibly could.

Mother thinks oral sex is tacky. In fact, she has declared that Bill Clinton and Monica Lewisnki are perverts. I expect her attitude is a result of having Granny the Ho for a mother. When my mom first started getting used to the idea that my easing into a second career as a writer would be personally mortifying for her, I pointed out that her embarrassment at my behavior most likely wouldn't be any worse than what she suffered as a child because her mother was a Divorcee. Back in the 40's when mom was a kid, some people wouldn't let their children play with her because of Granny the Ho. That's one of the main reasons my mother made damn sure that there would never be any doubt that my sister and I were Nice Girls.

Whatever I have done that would embarrass my mother, I'd like the record to show that I always sat up straight and crossed my legs at the ankle as prescribed by The John Robert Powers Way to Teenage Beauty, Charm and Popularity (Prentice-Hall, 1962). Whatever I may have said, I said it like a lady. A lady who cusses like a sailor, perhaps, but a lady none the less.

At least I said some very nice things about HCW in the process. A few of his good points happened to come up in the interview Kimberly and Amy taped and included in the documentary. And I am not the woman who says "You haven't lived until you've had hot wax in your ass." That's Rock n Roll Hot Mama, Robin Slick, who wrote Daddy Left Me Alone with God which may or may not be a memoir involving Eric Clapton.

This is the trailer showing on Current TV where a person can download the film thanks to Al Gore. Or an interested individual can go to and buy a copy for $6.00.

As wonderful as being in Why We Wax is, I'm looking forward to sharing new material on November 19th at KGB where I'll be reading in the humor series Drunken!Careening!Writers! The reading is free and the drinks are (relatively) inexpensive. Maybe I'll have the story finished that my friend Kyle wants me to submit to this year's Best Lesbian Erotica. For the record, I self-designate as heterosexual, but I still have something to contribute to a girl on girl erotic discussion. This Time Out New York article says Drunken!Careening! at KGB is part of Essential New York (the DCW part is near the end). If you happen to be downtown, do drop in.


Utah Savage said...

Well, I was reading a post about Ikea and some rude bitch when a friend dropped by. So when she left I refreshed the page and what do you know, I'm the first one here.

You amaze me. You do so much and are so productive. While I bitch and moan about doing a rewrite on my book, either making it worse or not, probably to avoid having to write a query letter, while you plunge into life with all your might. I do so admire you. There is a bit of envy in my admiration though. I have to admit my jealousies. It's good for my soul to admit my vices.

PENolan said...

Girl, the feeling is mutual. I'm jealous of your success as a twitter activist, and I admire your loving care of Z. Don't forget all you do buried in that theocracy.

Gail said...

Hi there-

Wow, I feel like I know a celebrity or something like that!! Really, I do feel exactly like that. Great clip form the documentary and have a wonderful time at Tree Hugger Academy.

You are so freaking cool, it is almost unreal.

Love you girl

PENolan said...

I'm pretty sure it isn't real since PENolan is a character. Kind of like an invisible friend ;)

intelliwench said...

I only wax poetic.

PENolan said...

Good thinking

Woody (Tokin Librul/Rogue Scholar/ Helluvafella!) said...

I simply said that it was my feminist right - nay! a feminist imperative - to have as many orgasms as I possibly could.

A veritable martyr to the revolution!

As an early enlistee in the sexual revolution, I recall hearing that 'battlecry" for the first time, mebbe in 1970, and thinking "BINGO! Right there is the root cause of all patriarchal regulation of women's sexuality!"

Because of course most men are quite incapable of achieving more than two orgasmic experiences per sexual encounter, whereas a woman's capacity to orgasm is effectively limitless; which means that on some fundamental level every man knows that no one man can "satisfy his woman," and that repressed self-knowledge animates patriarchal practices...

anyway that's my theory...

PENolan said...

I'll buy that, Woody.

I'm pretty sure that those Roman imperialists who chased my ancestors into the woods and called them witches didn't like it that property rights were determined by the mother since that was the only parent anyone knew for sure was biological. The Celts loved few things better than a rowdy celebration to mark the seasons so a baby's paternity was often in doubt.
The Romans pooped on that party for sure.

Lisa said...

Oh how I wish I were in New York. Is it my imagination or are you just flat out flourishing? I know I haven't been around much, but I am wildly impressed with all you're accomplishing these days!

PENolan said...

Yes, ripping off the Stop N Shop is one of my greater accomplishments ;). I will say that I haven't been distressed by my empty nest.

How are things in GA?

Lisa said...

Being on your own seems to suit you! I love how Velvet has jumped right into school. Isn't that a good thing. I'm down one with two to go, thankfully they aren't babies any more and can do quite a bit of stuff on their own. Still - I've asked the question - why can't we afford boarding school?

Things here are good. Wet, but we're not affected by the flooding. It's such a mess and personal tragedy for those who are affected. We've been lucky.

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