Let the record show that sometime near the end of April or the beginning of May, Menopausal Stoners World Headquarters will officially move to Riverside Drive. Barring complications, anyway. There are still engineering reports and coop board minutes to be reviewed by my attorneys. I have to secure a loan, although I already was pre certified. Now I have to actually do the paperwork. I have to be approved by the coop board, and before that happens, I have to have a document drawn up outlining the way the money situation between Buzz Kill and me will unfold over the next few years vis a vis Velvet.
As per our original divorce agreement, Velvet's child support runs out as of his 21st birthday in April. Buzz Kill is required, as stipulated in the same agreement, to establish a college fund for Velvet. I'm required to contribute to this fund as well, with me at 25% and Buzz Kill at 75%, but we've never agreed on an exact amount although there has been an agreement around a conceptual number. When I talked to Buzz Kill today, he took the position that since Velvet was not currently in college there was no reason to tie up his own money.
I did not threaten to take him to court. Buzz Kill always talks like that the first time I bring up money. Buzz Kill is of the opinion that as a 21 year old, Velvet should be paying his own rent. I do not really care what Velvet should be doing. I care about my personal bank account which will be substantially emptier as of Velvet's birthday. Hopefully the man-child will have a job by April so that he's responsible for his own spending money, clothing and transportation. I'll provide room, board and medical. And transportation, clothing and spending money until such time as he can swing it.
Buzz Kill can kiss my ass on the court house steps. He can either work with me now, or he can tell it to the judge when I haul his ass into family court and say Velvet needs $40,000 per year for four more years since he clearly needs a Do-Over at a private college for kids with learning issues. Somehow, I have a feeling we will reach an accord before I have to resort to drastic measures - especially since Buzz Kill is still paying off the result of the last time I had to resort to drastic measures. Fundamentally, however, Buzz Kill is a good father which means, in my book, that he is actively involved in all aspects of his child's life. All I really have to do is show him my arithmetic, and he'll be on board. It's just that Buzz Kill was expecting his monthly expenses to be ZERO so he's not happy to find out several hundred dollars a month will still be finding their way to my house.
And a fine house it is. It's modest, but it's totally mine (and the bank's). Even if it is small-ish, and there's no doorman or anything, I've done it on my own which is a Mary Tyler Moore kind of moment.
Then, of course, there's the view:
Napping in the sunbeam is essential to my quality of life - but in New York City, a river view is a big deal, even if there is a fire escape in the way. We'll have the sunset over the George Washington Bridge, and that's cool.
I'm hoping that Mr. Wisdom and I will have an opportunity to enjoy the view together. I'm not going to be seeing much of him for a month or two because he just got a job as a muckety muck on some cable TV show that will take him out in the field - if places like Cincinnati count as "the field." Could be places like Cincinnati are "on location." It seems like there should be wildlife in "the field." I'm sorry to say it's the kind of thing that I wouldn't turn on in a million years, but then, I barely watch TV anyway. From what I know about Mr. Wisdom so far, I suspect the cool thing for him is that he'll be entirely in charge of the story, and he likes stories.
I like stories, too, which is why I'm pretty sure the one about me and Mr. Wisdom will continue to develop. I wish I weren't the lady wandering around in the tower again, but that seems to be my lot in life - and I do like that tower.
I don't actually work in the tower. I work on the top floor of the newer wing, and my classroom faces the city - but you can still see it easily any time you're on a plane landing at LaGuardia. In the springtime, the falcons swoop over the playground on their way from the tower to the park and back, finding food for all the babies. I like the falcons too, even if they do drop pigeon heads onto the playground sometimes.
What I like best right now is the way I don't feel a bit clingy with Mr. Wisdom. I think that's because we cling to people or beliefs with some kind of fever when we need external validation for one reason or another. Eckhart Tolle talks a lot about it in The Power Of Now, and I can't remember a lot of what he said because it's been a while since I read it. I remember how to breathe in the moment, though. And to be glad for all I have instead of focusing on bullshit that I lack.
Living in the moment, in Love instead of Fear, has been the greatest transition in my way of being. Certainly I get pulled off course from time to time. That's what happens when you live in the World - but you can get back in line with a breath. It may be easier for me than for many people because I spend so much time with very little kids, and in the kid zone, there is nothing but the moment.
The kids are so young that they haven't even been on the planet for 1,000 days - which is kind of weird to consider. As a woman of a certain age, I have plenty of shit in my past, but the thing is that when something is in the past, the only place it lives anymore is in your head. Even Vietnam, and Fat Man and LIttle Boy are all gone, gone, gone. There have been far reaching repercussions, but the events themselves are over and done. As usual, that reminds me of a song:
Fill your heart with love today
Don't play the game of time
Things that happened in the past
Only happened in your Mind
Only in your Mind,
Forget your Mind
And you'll be free
- Biff Rose
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