The middle of March is always a reflective time for me. If I've successfully created a separate page, following this link will lead you to a chapter I wrote a long time ago about what was going on sixteen years ago - back before Buzz Kill was Buzz Kill and Velvet had no nicknames at all.
Some people who know me find this story too intense - but then a lot of people find me too intense entirely. I made a separate page so I can leave it up or take it down as I choose, and because it's much too long for a blog post.
I'm sensitive today, and glad I am alone - but I'm also glad I chose to live when another choice was tantalizingly within reach. Sometimes I call this story A Mother's Tale but I really don't know what to call it. It's just my story, and this stuff about suicidal tendencies and the looney bin is part of it.
Link to Windy Hill
I have to say, though, that there's something very life affirming about deciding to live instead of simply finding yourself alive and then going through the motions of a life without much thought - like painting a picture by numbers. I'm pretty sure it's a Thing of Beauty (#49-101) that I chose to live and do the work that was necessary to become the generally happy camper I am today. It's one thing to choose to live, but without doing the work, I would have stayed a depressed housewife, overeating to smother my anger and making everyone around me as miserable as I was myself. It took a number of years, but it looks like most days in my happy little world, this little light of mine shines as brightly as it can.
I also have to say that blogging has alleviated the isolation and alienation that goes along with the Depression territory, and once I started feeling like I was Understood out here in the ether, I began to feel more connected to people in real life. Once you get that connection going, it's easy to build a happy world for yourself - even though sometimes those assholes on C Street, and ALEC and AIPAC and the Uniparty and all that bullshit intrudes in ways that disturb the inner peace.
The main thing is that I'm okay - thriving even - and I'm grateful that all y'all are out there.
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