Notta Goodman = Whatta Schmuck

The episode with Mr. Wisdom is finally finished.  He undoubtedly thinks I'm a lunatic who has created unnecessary drama, but selfish, emotionally constipated men often label women crazy drama queens when they have been called out for their bad behavior.

Since the spring when Mr. Wisdom said he couldn't deal with his shit storm life and a budding relationship, I have suspected that his wife demanded they renegotiate the separation agreement because he broadsided her with the divorce, browbeat her into accepting him as the lawyer for the both of them and then tried to get out of paying child support by saying that the kids were spending 50% of their time with each parent.  That was easier when they did the family nest thing and the parents alternated weeks in the family residence.  But then Mr. Wisdom started going out of town for work all the time, and they got separate residences. With him gone, there was no way residential custody was divided equally between the parents.  She got her own lawyer and as far as I know, the argument continues. Now, Mr. Wisdom and I never talked about the specifics of his divorce because we never spent that kind of time together and were focused on fun and games.  I just smelled a rat.  No good man makes a concerted effort to stiff his wife out of child support.  So I've changed his name to Notta Goodman. 

I was inclined to overlook all that divorce stuff because I thought he was hot and I did like the Emmy Awards, and besides, I was more interested in cultivating inner peace - which meant that I was spending most of my time working on A Course in Miracles.. The Course talks a lot about how the need for a Special Relationship is driven by ego and guilt so that the Special Relationship becomes an inferior substitute for a relationship with the Divine. It was easy to see my own ego in action within the context of the Goodman Relationship.
Blessed Be

People use special relationships like idols to clog up the space we should use as a bridge to the Divine.  Lots and lots of things can be idols, but the Special Relationship is the most popular.  In my case, the relationship stuff was complicated by a need for an unavailable man.  Notta Goodman was the most unavailable man I have ever been involved with but there has been one in my life since college - except for Buzz Kill.  Buzz Kill had his issues, but overall he was okay in that department.  Actually, we both needed work when it came to intimacy.

Anyway, just like I needed The Narcissist to break the pattern of letting an asshole determine my value, I needed Notta Goodman to break the pattern of the Unavailable Man.  The patterns are probably related somehow - but at the moment I don't really care.  I'm just glad to finally settle the mystery of why Notta Goodman was so unavailable.  He uses people without regard for their feelings to suit his own convenience - and in my book, that's abusive.  Maybe not as abusive as the the guards in Abu Ghraib, but abusive nevertheless.

Whatever.  I finally got aggressive and demanded to know how he could have made such a big deal out of how he was considering my feelings and trying to be fair and then refuse to give me a straight answer when I asked about the nature of our association.  He remained silent until I finally said his silence was just as cowardly as a man who once got me drunk and thought it would be a good idea to shove his cock in my mouth in the back of a taxi.  Goodman took exception to that comparison, but in my view a coward is a coward - and any man who doesn't have the balls to give a woman a straight answer when she repeatedly asks for one is a coward.

So now I know that Notta Goodman is a spoiled, selfish coward who wants to have his cake and eat it too.  I came to this conclusion yesterday when I was all set to join Match dot com again and found Notta Goodman actively playing the field on Match.  Since I know damn well he has an attitude about wearing rubbers, it was quite a discovery to find Goodman chasing pussy and keeping me just close enough to fall back on in case he couldn't bang any bimbos in the flyovers.

Notta Goodman can shove that Emmy right up his ass.  I'm glad he is stuck in a pigeon hole doing stupid True Crime shit TV with some b-list celebrity, lamenting a more glamorous time when he roamed around the world like a Storm Chaser or a National Geographic Wannabee. Notably, Notta Goodman left his wife home alone with two little kids while he was globetrotting - and he probably didn't call her either.

I'm glad about a lot of things - most importantly that I realized my ego uses the Unavailable Man as a way to keep me focused on Lack instead of Abundance.

Last week, on the day when I closed on my apartment, I woke up with Notta Goodman on my mind.  I should have been celebrating the culmination of eight years of effort to finally secure a home for me and my child - in addition to having a job I love, but instead I was thrashing because Notta Goodman wasn't my boyfriend.  That's how the ego works to make sure we are isolated and fearful instead of loving our Selves and appreciating the lives we have created..

It's been a great learning experience because I healed my own wounded child, and I stood up for myself in the face of an abuser.  Notta Goodman denies he is emotionally abusive - but to me, when somebody knows  you're developing feelings for him and continues to use you for his own purposes and tries to make you think he's a hero - that's as bad as those Republicans who believe a woman can't get pregnant in cases of Legitimate Rape.  Patriarchal Dick Wads - and Notta Goodman thinks he can have multiple partners and not wear rubbers?  Maybe I should call him Whatta Schmuck.
I think that's a thing of beauty (#59-101, Explore Beauty Challenge, realia)