Monday, December 23, 2013

Fire in the Night

Back in October, before ABear aka Pinko got here, I mentioned that my chakras seemed to be in better alignment since I spent a week with him at Burning Man (On Clearing Chakras and Taking the Edge Off Empire, Stonerdate 10.12.13).   At the time, I was impressed because it looked like the power of Pinko's mojo had entered my body at the root chakra, traveled up a line roughly corresponding with my spine, and made it through the heart chakra successfully to the throat.  As a result, the energy that used to detour at my heart so completely that it blasted my left shoulder into rubble squeezed through the throat chakra and disturbed my back left molar to the point where it had to be removed.

That's kundalini rising, for you.  Granted, I have only a cursory knowledge of Yoga, but I maintain that having amazing, connected sex is just as beneficial when it comes to aligning chakras as going to yoga class all the time.  Yoga has other mind-body-spirit benefits, for sure, and I'm willing to wager that amazing, connected sex has other benefits as well.  However, all these years, I've been striving to align my chakras and thereby increase my sense of inner peace and feeling of oneness with the universe via a powerful hard-on.

In fact, some years ago, I believe it was in 2006, in that fateful story that finally sent Buzz Kill stomping down Central Park West home to his mother, I said I was longing for an erection that could realign my chakras.

Research based evidence suggests that after seven years of searching, I have found that erection.  Before I went to Burning Man to meet Pinko (aka ABear), I had successfully cleared most of the blocks in my heart chakra on my own.   The Encounter with ABear at Burning Man opened the heart completely so that the Chi, or mojo if you prefer, is now able to reach the throat chakra with such vigor that one of my parathyroids has become enlarged.  It will be removed in January.

As it happens, I had a parathyroid removed back in 2000.  When the doctors were trying to diagnose the mystery of my leg, which turned out to be morpheme schleroderma, blood tests uncovered a bonus disorder in my parathyroid.  A year or two later, the dishwasher spontaneously combusted which turned out to be the event that led to the end of my marriage.

Actually, a short in some circuit of our GE dishwasher caused the fire - which is why Buzz Kill was able to successfully sue GE to recoup all the money we spent out of our own pocket to fix the apartment since Buzz Kill had allowed the contents insurance to lapse.  The insurance situation had become another example of the marital dysfunction.  I should have paid it myself and told him I'd overdrawn the bank account, but instead I bitched about him never paying it, and he never paid it.  Ergo: we were uninsured during the fire.  It worked out all right, though, because his wealthy sister loaned us the money to cover all the expenses associated with the fire, which included four months in a hotel.  And as much as Buzz Kill hated paying insurance bills, he enjoyed the adversarial process of litigation.

Part of that process involved an inspection of our apartment by GE insurance adjusters and lawyers.  I wasn't present at the inspection because Buzz Kill wanted me to wait in the basement laundry room of our building while they were there to prevent me from saying something thoughtless that could undermine our claim.  I complied, and held it against him.   The damage to the apartment was fully repaired, and we managed to charge off several nice upgrades to GE.  The marriage never recovered.  It had been fucked up in a few fundamental ways from the beginning, though.

Whatever.  The point is that all that shit contributed to blocking energy from my heart.

Carolyn Myss compares healing to spiritual alchemy which is how we turn our emotional lead into spiritual gold.  Looking at the chakra chart, we can clearly see how Chi was going up the line from the first chaka at the root, hit the lead in the 4th chakra at the heart and deflected at a 45 degree angle going out of my shoulder.  Notably, it's the left shoulder - just as it was the left molar and now one of the parathyroids on the left.  Politically inclined individuals can make what they like of that pull to the Left and Pinko's outspoken advocacy for communism, socialism and most things Chomsky.

Meanwhile, the Chi that has been entering my system through the seventh chakra in the top of my head would have been trapped up there.  Some would have squeezed through, naturally, but it's easy to see how there's not a complete mind-body connection when Chi from the universe is stuck in your head and Chi from the earth is churning in your gut.  The thing about the throat chakra is that the challenge is not about freeing your voice - it's about releasing your stubborn commitment to your own will, or insisting that everything goes according to a rigid Plan A conceived by the ego.

I abandoned Plan A with regard to relationships last spring.  By the summer, I was finding my way to Pinko at Burning Man.  Cosmic Mojo must have started percolating in my throat chakra while I was there because the blood work that revealed a new round of hyperparathyroidism was done before Pinko got here in late October.  So we can conclude that the mojo currently circulating in my system will help clear the cobwebs in my third eye, which is how some people think of the sixth chakra.

As interesting and exciting as it is to connect with the universal force of natural creation is, at the moment, I'm more interested in simply being with Pinko/ABear.  On Christmas Day, he's going back to Reno for several weeks.  The concept is that he'll tend to business so he can move here permanently in March, and he'll be driving a taxi during all those weeks because Burning Man doesn't pay for itself.  It's fun and exciting to speculate on what Pinko and I will cook up next year, but it's 252 whole days before the Man burns again.

It's pretty cool that a fire propelled me out of a stifling, oppressive marriage onto a trajectory leading to the giant celebration of ritual art and play - the human spirit - at Burning Man where fires burn everywhere for days and days.  Finding Pinko at Burning Man has propelled us both on a new trajectory leading straight into the Unknown.

You could even look at Chi as a fire too, so that the fire of creation is circulating inside every one of us.  We can access and enjoy that fire any time, and there's no day but today anyway.  Past is gone; the future doesn't even exist, except from a quantum perspective where all moments and possibilities exist simultaneously.  That quantum stuff is confusing and I don't care about theoretical physics right now.  Right now, it's time to celebrating Winter Solstice, the longest night of the year.  ABear and I will be  lighting all the candles we can find, bringing light into the darkness and setting the stage for a little ritualized play of our own.

That's really our table, with candles in the evergreens, and Ganesha over there on the windowsill next to a pitcher filled with dried lavender.  ABear made a mix
My favorite song starts at about 1:18.  It's Sarah McLachlan singing "Silence" without a bunch of electrodance enhancement.

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