In Which Velvet Looses his Glasses

When Buzz Kill goes to India, he always insists on buying Velvet new glasses. He thinks this idea is good because the glasses are much less expensive in India. The first time he got Velvet glasses, they looked okay, but something was wrong with them. I can't remember what. Lenscrafters doesn't repair glasses you buy on the cheap in India for free like they do the glasses you buy for your kid at their own stores. Velvet liked the frames, though, and enjoyed wearing them until they sank into the lake up at the Hippy Dippy Quaker Camp.

This very lake, as a matter of fact

I got Velvet new glasses at Lenscrafters with my AAA discount. He's wearing them now because the fancy designer glasses Buzz Kill brought back from India a couple of months ago have been destroyed. Ooops.

I'm happy they're gone because they were some butt ugly glasses. They might have looked good on Vin Deisel if they were sunglasses, but on Velvet they looked like souped up wood shop goggles. The worst part was that they didn't fit right. The top part of the frame, which might be called the bridge, hit Velvet's eye brow line and since it was made of thick, black plastic, they gave him the unfortunate look of a unibrow.

Daniel Radcliffe with a unibrow. Radcliffe is a reasonable facsimile of Velvet because years ago, people often commented that Velvet looked like Harry Potter.

In short, these glasses were awful in every way and proved my original point to Buzz Kill that glasses are an item that a person really needs to try on before purchasing which is another reason why getting glasses for Velvet in India is a stupid idea.

But, as I learned over years of marriage to the man, you can't tell Buzz Kill anything. There's the right way, the wrong way and the Buzz Kill way.

The uni-brow frames met an untimely fate Monday morning. While minding his own business, waiting on the platform for the subway, poor Velvet sneezed. Since it's spring allergy season here in New York City, Velvet sneezed a sneeze so mighty that the ill fitting glasses flew from his head and on to the subway tracks. He briefly considered asking a transit worker to arrange retrieval of the spectacles, but dismissed that idea instantly because the train was approaching the station. He and everyone who had seen his glasses go flying watched the glasses disappear forever under the 6 Train.

Frankly, I think it was a good place for those dang glasses. I'm not surprised that Buzz Kill chastised Velvet for not asking someone in the booth to see about getting them back. It's possible the train itself entirely missed the glasses. Even if they hadn't been crushed to bits, I would never have allowed Velvet to put the damn things on his head again because I can't think of many places in this country that are as nasty as the subway tracks in New York City especially when it's been raining for days like it has been here. But, as I've said, you can't tell Buzz Kill anything.