Thought(s) for the Day
- Don't take adolescent behavior personally. Acting out is typical when the adolescent has reached a milestone such as High School Graduation and going away to college because of the Separation and Individuation process.
- It is always difficult to be the person on the receiving end of "nothing personal."
Many times, when women are trying to understand annoying male behaviors, they conclude said behaviors are "adolescent rebellion," and that the male is working out his shit with his mother on them. Ergo: The way I deal with Velvet's typical adolescent behavior -which I'm assured could be so much more hair raising that I should be thankful - will influence the future relationships he has with females. They'll say "he's working out his shit with his mother on me."
- I'm his mother, and I don't know how to respond with strength in a way that won't alienate him.
- If I permit and/or enable disrespectful behavior, women will blame me - rightly - for decades.
What's a poor mother to do?
posted by PENolan at
7:39 AM
8 Comments:
Sounds like you're in those "damned if you do, damned if you don't" waters. Kinda comes with the parenting thing, in my experience. As the father of a teenage girl about to begin the final year of high school, I can empathize, but also admit your situation is way different and perhaps much more challenging. Seems like your two go-to strengths would be intuition and a mother's love for her son. I'd rely on them along with a dash of wisdom from time to time. And have a margarita or two--or three, as the occasion warrants. Plus, what kid doesn't have some issues with mom or dad that could be hashed out for $125 per hour in a therapist's office? Our job is to keep our kids from sending the therapist's kids to an Ivy League school. If we can accomplish this, we've done OK. I think......
Hi there-
change is never easy - you are both adjusting to a new way of relating - try and relax in it as hard as that may be - and let your own wisdom shine through - he can still hear you - thank God - and I so know the value of that truth. And also, hearing and taking heed are two different animals!! :-)
love to you
gail
peace.....
After my son's 'acting out' began to include running away and huffing chemicals..I took him to a family therapist.
It didn't help. The therapist said I had done all I could and it was up to the kid to know the difference between right and wrong. He had to hit bottom before he started to get his shit together.
Bottom was cleaning out my bank account and stealing my car, which he wrecked less than 2 miles from our apartment in the rain.
Yep..things can be alot worse. ;)
I think you still need to voice your concerns, even though he may not hear what you say today, your voice will play in his head sometime in the future. To be silent is to be complicate.
JD, I'm off for the margs this very minute. As for the therapists' expenses - I'm quite sure we passed Ivy League long ago as well as European Vacations and Country Homes. Gail, maybe that's how I got so wise ;)
I'm sure it's all going to be fine - it's the anger surrounding the divorce that's spilling over in all directions right now from all three of us.
Which brings us back to the margaritas.
Dang, Dusty - If I could send a marg through the mail, I'd send one right now. And Mark, welcome!
I guess I agree with JD & Mark. Although, being a father who has a daughter on the edge of teenage, I'm not sure I can follow through with such wise advice. I don't know yet. I will say, it all scares the shit out of me. I hope my daughter's thus far good sense, will prevail with her.
My son is a functioning, contributing member of society now..it just took him a few years to pull his head out of his ass.
It was all because of the divorce and his fathers lack of attention. The sumbitch never was a father..more like a sperm donor..which btw, is how my son refers to him now.
He adores my current husband though. ;)
You got married again?
Maybe there's hope for me yet.
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