Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Into the Woods - the mother's turn

I'm off to Tree Hugger U this weekend for the Family BBQ. It'll be good to see Velvet. Some people apparently talk to their children on the phone. Velvet is hard to pin down that way. He's only called me once since Buzz Kill and I installed him in the dorm and that was because he wanted me to mail him my one hitter. I thought that was cute.

His father has been calling him with constant reminders which is good because somebody has to be the bitchy nudge. Buzz Kill is great in that role. Occasionally Buzz Kill calls to give me important information like Velvet has gone through his semester's spending money in a month.

Oh Well. According to Buzz Kill, Velvet has a plan to make some money. Buzz Kill warned Velvet that selling Ritalin is bad, bad, bad. I know Velvet won't sell his Ritalin because he can only get about $3 each for the 5 mgs. I checked with a friend of his who is a sophomore in Binghamton. He could get $10 each for the 30mg sustained released Ritalins - but he only has a prescription for one of those per day. He'll keep those for himself because he needs pharmaceutical intervention in order to remember to bring his Irish Spring Body Wash with him to the shower. He always has a surplus of the 5mgs, though, because he can take those as needed throughout the afternoon and evening. But he won't sell those - he'll use them to get chicks. Velvet knows all about social capital.

I'm not exactly worried about Velvet. I told him that it's just as well he ran out of money partying his first six weeks at school since it's time for him to study for midterms. Also I suggested that if he had that much free time, he could certainly get a job doing research for one of the professors projects a few hours per week. Everyone needs to master the skill of entertaining him/herself without the benefit of disposable income. Since we're coming up this weekend, though, Velvet has to deal with his parents. Fortunately, we've had visiting days up at the Hippy Dippy Quaker Camp so the little family knows how to manage a parental incursion into kidspace.

Buzz Kill has been over here a lot working on the bike we're taking up to Velvet. He's been quick to get hostile with me lately, but that tends to happen near the first of every month when I start looking for my money. I don't blame the man for getting touchy about forking over large sums of court ordered cash for my support. I wonder sometimes if he found the blog, though, and is waiting for an opportune moment to hit me over the head with the discovery. That would make him hostile, too. Since he will be riding up to TreeHugger U with me, the possibility of being stuck in the car for five hours with a hostile individual is troubling.

I'm looking forward to a solitary, peaceful drive home, though. I can reflect on the the changes in my happy little world now that I'm fifty, my kid is gone to college and I'm realizing that I don't have to be the person my mother hoped I'd be when I was younger. When Velvet was little, I struggled for my mother's approval of my own mothering which was actually a good thing even though sometimes it felt like she was harshly judgmental. It's difficult to say whether she's as hard-core as I experience her or if my own mishigas influences my interpretation. Either way, now that I'm fifty and my kid is at college, it's okay for me to follow my individual nature instead of making decisions based on the rigid definition my mother has set for responsible, acceptable, sensible behavior.

One of the scheduled events for the TreeHugger U's annual BBQ weekend is a tour of the forest. Naturally a university full of treehuggers would have a forest campus nearby. The weather in that part of New York State is a little chilly so there should be some fall color.

A trail through the actual forest 20 minutes south of the main campus

This morning I'm remembering that earlier in the summer, before Velvet went to college, it seemed to me like he was running off into the woods (In Which Velvet Runs Into the Woods Stonerdate 06.28.09). Now it's my turn. The prospect of making my way in the world now that I'm not a full time wife and mother anymore is daunting and sometimes overwhelming. Just last night I was feeling like my world is precariously balanced with very little security. Everyone must feel that way sometimes. Plenty of women have walked down this trail before, though, so it's not like I'm lost in the woods with no idea of how to proceed. I just need a little gumption.

13 comments:

Fergie said...

it's very odd having them gone... mine are not just "off to school" but have relocatd themselves far away from me on a permanent basis.. of course, if I were to move, the Young Man might consider being closer, but as long as I'm where I am, he's not interested.

I'm taking this time of "gosh, gee, huh" post-child raising to be a professional student and do the stuff I put on hold for them. NO reason to put it on hold anymore.... although thoughts of becoming a foster parent, joining the peace corps, selling everything and buying a one way ticket to Europe, and similar scenarios did come to mind earlier on!

Courtney said...

Gumption, maybe. But also please keep in mind that this is a big transition. You don't have to know what your next move is right away. Just give yourself some time to explore the edge of the woods before you decide you need to dive right in. That's just my thought after reading your post, anyway.

Gail said...

HI TRISH-

I hope your weekend in the woods and BBQ with Velvet was wonderful. And equally, your new woods to explore will be an adventure - you are so ready and more importantly able and even more importantly - a pioneer of mammoth proportion and style.

Love to you girl
Gail
peace....

Woody (Tokin Librul/Rogue Scholar/ Helluvafella!) said...

Safe trip!
Question?
Two going to da 'cuse, one returning?
Or should I just wait for the chapter?
(Waves!~)

themom said...

Have a wonderful time at the BBQ. sounds like fun to me.

jenmorrison said...

Oh, I think you got the gumption.

Have a great trip in that beautiful, beautiful state.

(buzzkills are alike all over aren't they?)

PENolan said...

Jan - A buzz kill is a buzz kill no matter where you find one. After one night, I can say it could be worse with Mr.Buzz Killington. He just keeps turninging down the car stereo when Velvet and me are howling along with Grace Slick on White Rabbit. "If it's too loud, you're too old."
TheMom, the alumni who were at the reception last night were great fun and I met a friendly, charming biker last night at Dinosaur Barbecue while Buzz Kill was bitching Velvet out about his spending. I suspect you'd be having a good time up here too. Barbecue and Blues all the way.

Woody, BK is leaving here to go to watch a bike race in Cooperstown on Sunday with friends from High School. Even if he weren't, I'm committed to a life free from buzz kills and whiny bitches now that I'm mature and can make that determination.

Courtney, thanks for your encouragment. I absolutely do need time to get used to this new way of being - and I wouldn't feel pressure if it weren't for the money.

Fergie: it is exactly the time to do the things I've put on hold, but I still have to make some money. I'm totally stressing although things are looking up.
Gail, there are not nearly enough fall colors this weekend. I'm going to have to drive to CT for sure especially since I can't get out to NM right now and see the aspens with Woody ;)

Liberality said...

Your mother sounds wonderful ;~))

PENolan said...

Actually, Libs, Mom is pretty great - but like many of the best people, she's opinionated and intense. It's wonderful to be on the receiving end of opinionated and intense approval. Disapproval, on the other hand, can be difficult. I expect most moms know how to work that angle.

Woody (Tokin Librul/Rogue Scholar/ Helluvafella!) said...

i see you made it back!...

hope all was copascetic...

Woody (Tokin Librul/Rogue Scholar/ Helluvafella!) said...

There was a 'deep' frost in the mountains last week--it got down into the 20s in Taos one night--so the aspens got their cues, and are now doing their golden shimmer...

Autumn will be flowing soon down the river in the tops of the cottonwoods. That lasts about 10 days. It's officially winter when the last cottonwood on the acequia has dropped its last leaves in the ditch...

PENolan said...

You paint a poetic picture, Dr. John.

Vancouver Voyeur said...

Wow, sharing car space with Buzz Kill, you're a better person than me. The only way I can see sharing car space with the Spin Doctor is if I'm driving and he's under it. Yeah, I think that could work out well.

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