Jesus Bound for New Orleans

My friend Kelly has been staying with me this week for her spring break. She lives near Berkley now, but she lived down the street for years and years and years. This morning I drove her out to JFK. It's an easy drive at the crack of dawn, and the sun was a peachy pink shade of orange today. I was already on my way home when it rose up into my rear view mirror.

About that time, this song came on the stereo.



Singing along as I always do, I wondered what would happen if Jesus really were bound for New Orleans this morning to kick the shit out of Sarah Palin, Liz Cheney and whoever else was making a giant asshole of themselves this week at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference. Newt has been such a jerk for so long that I'm sure Jesus has absolutely no bearing on anything that man says or does. Truthfully, I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't have much to do with anything that happens in politics at all. Nevertheless, I liked the idea of him striding into an auditorium full of loudmouthed Republicans to tell them they don't know Jack about Jesus with ZZ Top wailing in the back ground.

The trouble with folks like Sarah Palin and Liz Cheney, not to mention her father, is that they always think they know better than everybody else anyway, ergo: Jesus Himself could show up on any one of their doorsteps, and someone would shout for security. Kind of like the prince in Beauty and the Beast. Long before Belle's father stumbles into the Beast's castle, back when the Beast is still a handsome prince, a scary old crone came to the door during a terrible storm and begged the prince to let her inside. When the arrogant, entitled, selfish fellow refused, the crone revealed herself to be a powerful fairy and turned him into a hideous beast physically to match his hideous internal character.

It's too bad that's just a folktale, so no powerful fairies can do anything about Liz Cheney and that collection of assholes in New Orleans. Imagine a bunch of powerful, magic fairies having fun with the whole damn lot of them as if it were Midnight Retribution in the Garden of Good and Evil.

There are plenty of drag queens, queers, and Rock & Roll stoners who know more about Jesus than an auditorium full of sanctimonious shit heads calling themselves Leaders ever will. Since Jesus has had so little impact on all these self-satisfied "christians" who are comfortably deluded into believing that God likes them best, maybe it's time for God to start speaking through drag queens and fairies. Dr. Frank N Furter can be in charge of discipline.

Rudy Guliani enjoys a playing a bit of dress up himself, and had the good sense to keep both feet firmly on the ground when he appeared with the Rockettes in 2001.

Who knows? Maybe Rudy Guliani is just the sort of leader the Republicans need.