Tuesday, May 5, 2009

In Which Velvet Looses his Glasses

When Buzz Kill goes to India, he always insists on buying Velvet new glasses. He thinks this idea is good because the glasses are much less expensive in India. The first time he got Velvet glasses, they looked okay, but something was wrong with them. I can't remember what. Lenscrafters doesn't repair glasses you buy on the cheap in India for free like they do the glasses you buy for your kid at their own stores. Velvet liked the frames, though, and enjoyed wearing them until they sank into the lake up at the Hippy Dippy Quaker Camp.

This very lake, as a matter of fact

I got Velvet new glasses at Lenscrafters with my AAA discount. He's wearing them now because the fancy designer glasses Buzz Kill brought back from India a couple of months ago have been destroyed. Ooops.

I'm happy they're gone because they were some butt ugly glasses. They might have looked good on Vin Deisel if they were sunglasses, but on Velvet they looked like souped up wood shop goggles. The worst part was that they didn't fit right. The top part of the frame, which might be called the bridge, hit Velvet's eye brow line and since it was made of thick, black plastic, they gave him the unfortunate look of a unibrow.

Daniel Radcliffe with a unibrow. Radcliffe is a reasonable facsimile of Velvet because years ago, people often commented that Velvet looked like Harry Potter.

In short, these glasses were awful in every way and proved my original point to Buzz Kill that glasses are an item that a person really needs to try on before purchasing which is another reason why getting glasses for Velvet in India is a stupid idea.

But, as I learned over years of marriage to the man, you can't tell Buzz Kill anything. There's the right way, the wrong way and the Buzz Kill way.

The uni-brow frames met an untimely fate Monday morning. While minding his own business, waiting on the platform for the subway, poor Velvet sneezed. Since it's spring allergy season here in New York City, Velvet sneezed a sneeze so mighty that the ill fitting glasses flew from his head and on to the subway tracks. He briefly considered asking a transit worker to arrange retrieval of the spectacles, but dismissed that idea instantly because the train was approaching the station. He and everyone who had seen his glasses go flying watched the glasses disappear forever under the 6 Train.

Frankly, I think it was a good place for those dang glasses. I'm not surprised that Buzz Kill chastised Velvet for not asking someone in the booth to see about getting them back. It's possible the train itself entirely missed the glasses. Even if they hadn't been crushed to bits, I would never have allowed Velvet to put the damn things on his head again because I can't think of many places in this country that are as nasty as the subway tracks in New York City especially when it's been raining for days like it has been here. But, as I've said, you can't tell Buzz Kill anything.


Blogger Fergie said...

ewwww, getting them back from the subway track? home of slime and water rats? and whoknowswhatelse? Yeah.
Apparently Buzz Kill has had the good fortune not to be waiting for a train for long enough to really pay attention to what's down there.....

Congrats on loosing the illfitting unibrow glasses.

OH, and my little brother looked like Mr. Radcliffe as well.... as Mr Radcliffe is actually quite a small man, seeing him in person a few months ago shocked the **** out of me! I guess Cougar Lust is out of the question for me now >^;

May 5, 2009 at 11:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Omg, is Buzz Kill Indian? I'm so sorry. :( But well, Indian men are like that, a LOT.

May 5, 2009 at 11:57 PM  
Blogger PENolan said...

Buzz Kill is not Indian. He's part Russian Jew and part southern WASP. His business takes him to India a couple of times a year. And Fergie, Buzz Kill has been using the subway regularly for 40 years - he's just annoying that way.

May 6, 2009 at 6:33 AM  
Blogger Kitty said...

In the UK, that 'unibrow' is called a 'monobrow'. But it's as unattractive here as anywhere else on the planet. I agree with you - glasses need to be 'fitted' and tried on! x

May 6, 2009 at 6:52 AM  
Blogger Kulkuri said...

Lenscrafters is different in different places. I liked the one in Omaha, but after my experience with on here in Hot-Lanta, let's just say I'm looking for another place to get glasses. First I had to agrue with them to just get new lenses in my old frames. They said they might be corroded, they are titanium which is almost impossible to corrode. Then they charged me more for lenses than the complete glasses had been when I bought them in Omaha. Also the lenses didn't seem to fit the frames very good. Now I don't know if I should try another vision place here or wait until I'm UP on the tundra for the summer.

May 6, 2009 at 10:47 AM  
Blogger yellowdoggranny said...

i've had these butt ugly glasses for a year..couldn't wait to get my notice it was time for new exam...thank goddess it just came...none too soon..

May 6, 2009 at 7:03 PM  
Blogger jadedj said...

Yep. From what I can see, best left to the rats. Of course now there's an alpha rat running around with monobrow glasses, lording it over the other rats who can't see the actual world they live in. Darwin never counted on rats with glasses. See?

May 6, 2009 at 8:15 PM  
Blogger Life As I Know It Now said...

It is beyond annoying when you can't talk sense into a fool. Thank the goddess you decided that was not to be your fate and divorced his arrogant ass.

May 6, 2009 at 10:48 PM  
Blogger Gail said...

Hey Trish

"Buzz Kill" is a piece of work. You, on the other hand are a piece of art - beautifully created and experienced.

Great photo of the unibrow!! :-)

Meanwhile, I am still in this 'quiet storm'.

Love Gail

May 7, 2009 at 9:43 AM  
Blogger themom said...

All my son ever got (which was eventful) in India, was "bot flies." Now that he is in Egypt - another case of bot flies. **fly larvae are injected in the skin by mosquito bite. He truly hated the 19 months he was in Rajahmundry, India.

May 7, 2009 at 11:19 AM  
Blogger PENolan said...

bot flies? Yikes!
Liberality and YDG, I thank the goddess every day. Summer is nearly upon us, Kilkuri and as my mother tells every retail store that annoys her, "You people are selling service. I can buy crap anywhere."
Monobrow? Not in my house - although I do like the idea of an alpha rat in monobrow glasses lording around in the subway. Wait til it's hotdog season in Central Park.

May 7, 2009 at 4:46 PM  
Blogger lisahgolden said...

Sounds like Buzz Kill's name truly fits him. Good riddance to the glasses. I would do the bad mom thing and counsel a little white lie. "Tell dad that you tried everything to get them back, but it was too late. He'll never know."

May 8, 2009 at 5:51 PM  
Blogger PENolan said...

Too Late. But when his dad started ragging at him, Velvet wasn't exactly respectful. I'm glad Velvet loves his dad, and I'm also glad he knows how to handle a whiny bitch . . .

May 8, 2009 at 7:38 PM  
Blogger Comrade Kevin said...

There are two kinds of dirty. There is the normal sort of dirty. Then there is the NYC subway kind of dirty.


May 9, 2009 at 3:21 PM  
Blogger PENolan said...


May 10, 2009 at 4:10 PM  

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