Sunday, April 11, 2010

Jesus Bound for New Orleans

My friend Kelly has been staying with me this week for her spring break. She lives near Berkley now, but she lived down the street for years and years and years. This morning I drove her out to JFK. It's an easy drive at the crack of dawn, and the sun was a peachy pink shade of orange today. I was already on my way home when it rose up into my rear view mirror.

About that time, this song came on the stereo.

Singing along as I always do, I wondered what would happen if Jesus really were bound for New Orleans this morning to kick the shit out of Sarah Palin, Liz Cheney and whoever else was making a giant asshole of themselves this week at the Southern Republican Leadership Conference. Newt has been such a jerk for so long that I'm sure Jesus has absolutely no bearing on anything that man says or does. Truthfully, I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't have much to do with anything that happens in politics at all. Nevertheless, I liked the idea of him striding into an auditorium full of loudmouthed Republicans to tell them they don't know Jack about Jesus with ZZ Top wailing in the back ground.

The trouble with folks like Sarah Palin and Liz Cheney, not to mention her father, is that they always think they know better than everybody else anyway, ergo: Jesus Himself could show up on any one of their doorsteps, and someone would shout for security. Kind of like the prince in Beauty and the Beast. Long before Belle's father stumbles into the Beast's castle, back when the Beast is still a handsome prince, a scary old crone came to the door during a terrible storm and begged the prince to let her inside. When the arrogant, entitled, selfish fellow refused, the crone revealed herself to be a powerful fairy and turned him into a hideous beast physically to match his hideous internal character.

It's too bad that's just a folktale, so no powerful fairies can do anything about Liz Cheney and that collection of assholes in New Orleans. Imagine a bunch of powerful, magic fairies having fun with the whole damn lot of them as if it were Midnight Retribution in the Garden of Good and Evil.

There are plenty of drag queens, queers, and Rock & Roll stoners who know more about Jesus than an auditorium full of sanctimonious shit heads calling themselves Leaders ever will. Since Jesus has had so little impact on all these self-satisfied "christians" who are comfortably deluded into believing that God likes them best, maybe it's time for God to start speaking through drag queens and fairies. Dr. Frank N Furter can be in charge of discipline.

Rudy Guliani enjoys a playing a bit of dress up himself, and had the good sense to keep both feet firmly on the ground when he appeared with the Rockettes in 2001.

Who knows? Maybe Rudy Guliani is just the sort of leader the Republicans need.


Blogger Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

You hit all kinds of nails on their heads with this post. Well done you gorgeous thing you!

April 11, 2010 at 10:28 AM  
Blogger Leonard said...

Dazzling Sunday Service! Thanks

April 11, 2010 at 10:57 AM  
Blogger PENolan said...

Thank you, amigos! As it happens, I could use a sense of accomplishment this morning despite the lovely dawn.

April 11, 2010 at 11:18 AM  
Blogger Gail said...

Hey Texas-

Like I have said, I vote for YOU!!

Love you girl

April 11, 2010 at 11:18 AM  
Blogger PENolan said...

At least I pull off fishnets and heels better than Rudy. Tim Curry looks good - but I would want a riding crop to smack their cushy white Republican tushies.

April 11, 2010 at 11:26 AM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...

Laughed out loud at the thought of you with a riding crop taking those republicans to task. But then, as you post seems to suggest, those people "leading" the right are not really republicans are they? Same thing happened up here - some extremists took over the Conservative party. I used to respect, if not agree with, conservatives.

April 11, 2010 at 11:41 PM  
Blogger Larena said...

thank you so much ! the visuals and the laugh to get my week started !

April 12, 2010 at 11:54 AM  
Blogger Utah Savage said...

This is a perfect post. And how odd that they chose NOLA the city they claimed god punished for all those poor black poeple living in the 9th ward for their poverty. Let's just hope the people of NOLA quadrupled the cost of everything for the dick-wads who have invaded their fair city for their annual freak show.

April 12, 2010 at 1:41 PM  
Blogger VV said...

Damn that man's got nice legs! I'm jealous. As for Jesus going to New Orleans, I'd love to see him trash the convention much like he supposedly did with the money lenders in the temple, but you're probably right, they'd call for security.

April 12, 2010 at 3:08 PM  
Blogger PENolan said...

Larena, my pleasure
Utah, I would like to see the people of NOLA make out like bandits, too. V.V., from what I understand, today's Republicans would be among those shouting, "Give Us Barabas!"
Jennifer - It would be nice to be able to find a conservative voice that deserved respect.

April 13, 2010 at 8:35 PM  
Blogger Jaliya said...

Here's to Jesus, whatever and whomever he may be or not be! To hell with the political whackos ... and hell, as we all know, is a state of mind ... xoxox

April 15, 2010 at 12:57 AM  
Blogger Teeluck said...

wouldn't it be nice if Rudy ran for President?

April 15, 2010 at 1:21 AM  
Blogger Life As I Know It Now said...

Those nutbags don't deserve even five seconds of anyone's attention. Of course Dick being a war criminal is worrisome for the Cheney's so his daughter goes out to defend his awful name and Sarah is just too stupid to be believed. Oh well, the bigger the lie...

April 16, 2010 at 4:02 AM  
Blogger Teeluck said...

One things i'm sort of happy for is the Teabaggers were and are the only ones who can split the Repuglickers' votes...which is good for us.

April 16, 2010 at 12:42 PM  
Blogger Jaliya said...

Lord, woman, you are a wonder :-) So are your wordplays ...

If Jesus returns, surely he will pad over the levees of New Orleans and blend into the Mardi Gras :-) [did I spell it right?]

As for drag queens and other dazzling souls who've known God through & through ... I want you to meet a friend of mine. His name was Joe ...

April 17, 2010 at 12:43 AM  
Blogger PENolan said...

Libs, it's a puzzlement for sure.
TeeLuck! Good to see you. I've been over at your blog recently but didn't comment - which if you read about the latest with Velvet you will understand. Maybe you can help come up with a new name for Velvet.
I'm thinking we should have a contest and those damn weed brownies can be the prize.

Jaliya - I remember when you originally posted about Joe. I could use a mothering boost myself right now.

April 17, 2010 at 8:43 AM  

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