Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Weekend at Tree Hugger

I wrote for Magpie yesterday (Leaders and Liars).  My heart wasn't particularly in it, however, because I had to stop writing to go pick up Cupcake and Velvet at Hookah House to take Cupcake to the train station.  A couple of weeks ago, when Velvet told me that he'd broken up with Cupcake (story is also at Magpie, with a political slant), I had a feeling that she'd show up at Thanksgiving.  Little did I know that she spent four days up there at Halloween.  Yesterday, not even a week since she'd gone home - leaving her cheap French Maid costume in Velvet's little apartment as well as a corset hanging from a hook on the refrigerator - she caught a ride with a friend and showed up at Hookah House with Fable III.

I can't blame her for admiring Velvet, and I have to admit that I'd have done the same thing when I was her age.  Corset and everything.  You would think that Velvet would stash the lingerie in a drawer or something since he knew I was coming to visit.  But no.  My son has short, lacy nighties and a corset hanging on hooks in the hallway.

On the way to the train station, I told the both of them that if he's on academic probation again at the end of this semester, he's going to spend next semester in the Wyoming Rockies freezing his ass off with NOLS (National Outdoor Leadership School).  At least that way, he'll have 16 credits at the end of the semester for the first time since he went off to college.

For the most part, I am not worried.  Velvet and I met with his Executive Functioning Coach and everything is back on track.  He'd been ditching her for a couple of weeks - ever since Buzz Kill had a meeting with the Coach and Velvet got the idea that she was pushing Buzz Kill's agenda.  That's all straightened out now, and they'll be meeting once or twice a week through finals.  His grades at mid-term are okay.  He may even get a B this semester, but I'm not holding my breath.

What troubles me most is that between me and Cupcake, Velvet is under the impression that he is, in fact, a prince.  Worse - there is absolutely nothing to contradict that impression.  The guys at Hookah House think I'm the best mom ever because (1) I made sauteed chicken breasts with orzo, spinach and mangoes for all 22 of them on Sunday and delivered it to the House so they could have it at their weekly chapter meeting and (2) I hit the Vortex a couple of times on Saturday night.

The guys moaned about my weak hitting power, but I'm pretty sure that nobody wants his mother to smoke weed like a wild woman - and besides, I had to drive in a couple of hours.  It was my intent to demonstrate Moderation and Responsibility.  Actually, I had a wonderful time with the guys on Saturday night since I had no clue that Cupcake would be arriving the next evening.  When she got there the next night, I exchanged the necessary pleasantries then went back to Velvet's studio apartment.

I felt a bit guilty leaving her and Velvet to sleep on the sofas at Hookah House, but everyone assured me that it wasn't a bit awkward, inconvenient or uncomfortable.  I thought about using Priceline and getting a nice hotel room on the cheap - but it would have still been $75 or so for a hotel, and I was not inclined to spend any money just so that Cupcake and Velvet could sleep together in the apartment I am already paying for.  She knew damn well I was already at Tree Hugger when she got in the car Sunday afternoon, but she missed Velvet so badly that she simply wanted to look at his face.

So between me cooking and doing his laundry and her hand delivering the new Fable for his Xbox - Velvet might as well be Mel Brooks in History of the World Part I.

It's good to be king!

I suppose that it's okay for now, though, since the boy does have to live down being such a colossal dumb ass last spring when he got arrested (Velvet gets Arrested, Stonerdate 04.17.10).  Next week, all the fraternities will be participating in the annual scavenger hunt.  We're all waiting to see if the Douchers put Velvet on their list or if that incident has drifted into legend.  And we're waiting to see if Velvet finally gets off academic probation.


Blogger lisahgolden said...

I read this and can't help thinking "I pity the fool...."

November 9, 2010 at 9:05 AM  
Blogger Susan Tiner said...

I wouldn't have spent money for a hotel either.

November 9, 2010 at 8:11 PM  
Blogger Commander Zaius said...

National Outdoor Leadership School

Now that is really cool! Although I'm not big on Wyoming, just too damn cold in the best of times for me.

November 9, 2010 at 11:34 PM  
Blogger PENolan said...

Beach, Buzz Kill went to NOLS when he was in High School, and when Velvet aged out of the Hippie Dippie Quaker Camp, he spent a summer with NOLS in the Wind River Wilderness. They both love it - and they like Yellowstone in the winter too.

Lisa, what can I say? Que Sera Sera?
Susan - exactly. Sheesh.

November 10, 2010 at 6:39 AM  
Blogger Jaliya said...


Oh the Krazy-Glued tangles of disengagement. Jesus God above, I hate 'em ... probably 'cause I'm going through one right now.

But your stories ... sweet relief in the form of a giggle.

Love to you xoxo

P.S. word verification = "spingler." I guess it doesn't quite match up to "Vortex", eh?

November 10, 2010 at 2:55 PM  

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