Wednesday, August 20, 2008

The Drunk Girl in the Bathroom

Velvet brought some friends over last night after they had allegedly been to the movies. I was glad because I like it when they hang out at our place, but I wish they wouldn't hot box the bathroom and leave weed on the coffee table. It's difficult to maintain an air of plausible deniability.

About 12:15, Velvet and his buddies went over to somebody else's place. No problem since he was going to be back by curfew at 2:00. No problem except for somebody forgot there was a drunk girl in the bathroom. Frankly, I'd have preferred them smoking in there to finding a girl wandering through my dark apartment after all the kids had left, calling "Topher? Topher?"

I put the girl in Velvet's bed for 10 minutes because she was dizzy and nauseous. When I asked her if the room was spinning, she moaned an affirmative. I quickly recommended that she hang on to the wall to keep it from getting away - that always helps me. She said she hadn't been drinking, but she smelled like tequila if you ask me. That'll make you a little green around the gills for sure.

I called Velvet and told him to get his ass home instantaneously. He's here now playing Grand Theft Auto. The female, who I'm sorry to say has to remain nameless since Velvet doesn't know her name although I know she's been over here before, has been put in a taxi by yours truly who also gave her 10 bucks.

He checked both bathrooms to make sure she hadn't hurled all over the place while she was here. Thank Goodness the toilets and rugs are clean. But the question remains: How the heck did a drunk girl land in the bathroom without anyone noticing she was here? The apartment is only 1,000 square feet.

The boys say that she came along with two other girls. Apparently, she didn't say hello when she walked in the door, going straight to sleep in my bathroom instead. The guys must have used Austin's bathroom. Or maybe she fell asleep in Austin's bathroom, and everyone else used mine. How the hell do I know?

When I was getting my first masters, I learned in Adolescent Psychology that there are no people on this planet more stupid than teenaged boys. Today we confirm that observation.Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I'm fairly certain that the young lady wasn't the brightest bulb in the box either, and I'm willing to bet dollars to doughnuts that the other girls were drunk too. The guys had just been getting so high it was a crying shame (Muddy Waters, Champagne and Reefer) out on the terrace.

Some people think it's inconsistent that I don't have a problem with Velvet smoking weed as long as his grades are good, but I really have an issue with teenagers (or anyone else for that matter) getting stinking drunk. God knows we all need the occasional bender. But drinking makes you lose your judgement in much more extreme ways than weed.

It's like they say: A drunk will run a red light; a stoner will sit through a green one.


Kat said...

life w/ teens is always challenging . . . but never boring!

a few years back . . . my daughter stole some of my medicinal herbs and took them on a church camp retreat of all things!!!

P. E. Nolan said...

Church Camp and Girl Scouts - fond memories. In Girl Scouts, we used to all swipe liquor from our parents, mix the various types in a mayonaise jar and drink it. Yikes. Then we practiced making out with each other so we'd know what to do with boys.
*sigh* those were the days
These aren't so bad either.

Karlo said...

I like the saying about the traffic light. How true! In a just world, we'd all have the wisdom of age and then get to live our lives backwards, being granted youthful bodies and boundless energy when we were best able to handle them.

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