The situation between Velvet and Cupcake, the almost girlfriend, has been very disappointing for a mother who was looking forward to prom night photos of her manchild in a tux. Actually, Velvet was so eagerly anticipating how smooth he'd look in a tux that I wished it for him - but it is not to be.
Cupcake is, sadly, a flake. She doesn't return his phone calls in a timely manner, says she wants to "chill" and then disappears, etc. We have all had friends like that. Friends who say, "Absolutely. Let's get together this afternoon!" When you're waiting around for that person, with other things you could be doing, s/he doesn't call as promised and when you call, s/he doesn't pick up the phone. The next day there is some lame excuse. Cupcake is like that. Plus she hangs out with The Douchebag patrol - the disrespectful ones who left a drunk girl in the bathroom.
I have complete confidence that Velvet would have overlooked all that if it meant there was sex on his horizon but Cupcake is in trouble with her exclusive girls' school. From what I've heard, her behavior was such that her school said she could not return to class until she started therapy. Panic attacks were involved. She could keep up with her assignments and graduate as scheduled, but she couldn't come to school or school events.
Which brings us to The Prom.
Cupcake had started therapy and was welcome to return to school when, for unknown reasons, her mother told her not to go to therapy. Her family is not from New York - not even from this country - which could have something to do with Cupcake's mother's attitude. There are very few confirmed New Yorkers who won't go to therapy as long as there aren't any financial impediments. Anyway - no therapy; no prom. No prom; no tux.
They could have gone to Velvet's prom, but Velvet is of the opinion that it's a lame, expensive event. It's at Tavern on the Green (totally uncool), no DJ just some asshole from school (amazingly uncool), and $150 per person before you start getting dressed. Think of everything else he could be spending $300 on -- I know he is. Plus Velvet's school is very small. Less than 50 in the graduating class and most of them have known each other since the lower elementary grades which mean they are tired of looking at each other.
Velvet likes some of his classmates well enough to spend a week in Yosemite with them at a substantially greater cost than $300, but he didn't contribute a dime to that excursion, and in Yosemite he was the Grand Pooba on account of his superior wilderness skills.
As Velvet's first romantic drama begins to fade, he's flopping himself down on my bed when he comes in at 1:30am or when he gets up for school at 6:00 in the morning wanting to talk. Naturally, I recognize that this is highly unusual behavior for a teen aged boy and am gratified that he wants to ponder the meaning of life with his mother. I just wish he'd do it at a more convenient time - but it just goes to show you how unrealistically optimistic new parents are when they think they'll finally get some sleep as soon as the infant starts sleeping through the night.
My favorite part is that he did the flop for three days running, began to tell me about stuff and got to the heart of the matter and said, "Well, it's none of your business." And indeed it wasn't, but tell that to a Gemini and watch what happens. Fortunately, I was respectful during the process and he eventually told me what was on his mind. And of course it had to do with sex.
Because I will maintain my usual respect for Velvet's privacy, I will simply say that Those Private School Girls can be problematic. Velvet can be problematic, too, but in the end, he's a young man wise beyond his years and he's going to be perfectly fine when he goes away to college.
Today is senior skip day and I just called the school to say he's at home for the day. It wasn't quite as charming as the scene in Running With Scissors when Deidre calls the school to say Augusten won't be in because he's over conditioned his hair, but it was close. One of our most cozy family moments was when Velvet and I watched Running With Scissors together to make sure I wasn't as crazy as Annette Benning, although I felt somewhat "busted" because I have also given household items a moon bath to clear out the cooties. Just a few things on the terrace under a full moon, but Velvet gave me a look that clearly said, "See, I told you that you're crazy."
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