Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Buzz Kill Zone

I've been trapped in the Buzz Kill zone. He and Velvet have been painting the apartment, and after seven straight days of Buzz Kill, I found myself experiencing the exact feelings I had throughout our marriage.  Fortunately, I've been determined to be civil, so never once have I said, "I fucking hate you, Motherfucker."

By the second day of the project, however, I asked him if he was retarded.  He was pretending to Skim Coat a wall - which means putting a thin coat of plaster all over a rough and/or damaged surface in order to make the wall smooth for painting.  In reality, Buzz Kill slopped Spackle all over the walls in the living room, and then proceeded to sand said Spackle without covering the upholstered sofa, the CDs, the TV, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  I wasn't home at the time, but before he got started the next day, I started putting drop cloths over all the furniture and asked him how someone who has complained of asthma for over thirty years could be so careless about dust.  I had barely gotten a sheet over the sofa when he got up on the step stool and started sanding the wall directly over my antique cash register, letting the dust settle into the mechanism while I was standing right there fixing to put a sheet over it.

That's when I asked him if he was retarded.

As a teacher with nearly 25 years experience and two advanced degrees in Education, I can say with authority that there is a distinct difference between a person with cognitive delays and a Retard.  A Retard, in my view, is a person whose Standford-Binet scores are average or above but who is, nevertheless, fucking stupid.  Comparing Palins, for example, we see that although Trigg Palin has Downs Syndrome which means he has cognitive delays, it is wrong and inaccurate to call him a Retard.  His mother, on the other hand, is a Retard.

There have been instances in the past when I thought for sure that Buzz Kill was a Retard, but the reality is that he's the most passive aggressive son of a bitch I ever met in my damn life.  Passive Aggressive people get off by agitating others.  They behave in ways that annoy the living shit out of the people in their lives, then when that person gets pissed, the passive aggressive acts like an innocent bystander and often suggests the anger of their friends and relatives is unjust and/or crazy.

I had to be medicated into a coma while I was married to that man.  We'd been divorced about a year when I started phasing off my meds.  About eighteen months later, I phased out of therapy all together.  Although it's easy to see why I'd feel as if I were being persecuted under the Buzz Kill regime, the thing is that there's nothing at all personal about Buzz Kill's behavior.  He's so anxious about Life, The Universe and Everything that his spazz outs have rippling and crippling effects on everyone around him.

It's not that he was deliberately trying to antagonize me when he started sanding without a drop cloth over the cash register.  He gets tunnel vision when he's focused on something to the exclusion of good sense and practicality.  Velvet's academic record suggests he does the same thing - he jumps in without thinking or reading the instructions because in his own mind, he already knows everything he needs to know.

Sarah Palin could be doing the same thing.  She is so confident that anything she does is Right that she doesn't understand her behavior might not be greeted by universal applause.  Maybe she's not calculating and deliberately provocative.  Maybe she's just a Retard whose only focus is getting attention on TV.

If Sarah Palin is that stupid, and she clearly is that stupid, then somebody with a brain is behind her rise to stardom.  Somebody smart like Ginny Thomas. Say what you will about Clarence Thomas and Anthony Scalia - those Teabagging Activists are not stupid and neither is that world class teabagging fundraiser, Ginny Thomas.

What if Rupert and Ginny and the Koch Brothers decided to put Sarah Palin on TV with that publicity whore Glenn Beck so that they could wag the dog, effectively drawing attention away from all that judicial activism  other miscellaneous Teabagging conflict of interest like the lithium under the hills in Afghanistan?

Karl Rove and Dick Cheney have something to do with that Lithium and the War, and while I can believe they had something to do with Sarah Palin being the Vice Presidential candidate, I doubt they're enjoying her performance on Fox any more than I am - even though they are certainly benefiting from assholes running their mouths in the media.  Plutocrats have to put up with bullshit from their associates just like everybody else as one hand washes the other.

All peons like us can do is try to get some control over our own living rooms.  When we insist that the people in our lives clean up after themselves we are holding them accountable for their behavior as opposed to giving them carte blanche to fuck up our environment like our government gave those bastards at BP.

Maybe if there were more evidence of Accountability in Washington and on Wall Street, ideas of Violent Revolution wouldn't permeate the air, fueled by an impotent rage that seethes inside so many of us.  As a country, we are united in our fury regardless of our political persuasions.


Vancouver Voyeur said...

Man Buzz Kill sounds so much like the Spin Doctor, except that I know Spin Doctor did it on purpose. He valued being superior to those around him, so if he could play dumb, push your buttons until you lost it, then he could stand there and smirk and ask you why you were getting so worked up about nothing. Prick. Anyway, just a little while longer dear and then you can get him out of your daily life.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

You do better than I would in that situation. Once I break up with someone, I can't stand to be around them again.

Stacy Lynn said...

I love your explaination of a retard...funniest thing I've read today! That said, I think Buzz Kill and my husband have to be related. This sounds so much like what happens around here during any (and all) home improvements and it drives me nucking futs because I KNOW he wouldn't be so sloppy/lazy/careless doing it for anyone else. :/

MRMacrum said...

In my effort to find my inner piece, I went shopping for a Yoga rug. You know, not a one I saw had a bear head attached. What's up with that?

I think Buzz Kill needs to give you a copy of "Don't let me be misunderstood" by The Animals.

Mr. Charleston said...

I must be missing something here. It would seem the cost of a professional painter would be a lot less than the emotional cost of Buzz Kill. Just a thought.

I believe Palin, Beck and the likes are as popular as they are not by cunning, but because the average American is just as retarded as they are, if not more so.

Oh, visit my place for a clear understanding of relationships.

PENolan said...

Mr Charleston, the economic solution you describe is not within my limited means because I am still financially dependent on Buzz Kill. Without the child support, my ends would not come close to meeting - and his payments are generally erratic. It's another way he manages to maintain some control in my little life from a distance.

But trust me, I'm taking steps to speed the process along. I can paint too, you know.

MRMacrum, now you've got me singing, "We got to get out of this place/If it's the last thing we ever do . . . "

Stacy Lynn, Thanks for your comment. Misery Loves Company, and some days, this is my online support group.

Doctor, BK and I will always be connected through our child whether I like it or not. The truth is that I haven't had that many serious relationships so I haven't ever really broken up with anyone except Buzz Kill and That Guy Who Won't Talk To Me. I'm still friendly with my two major college boyfriends. The other relationships sort of fizzled out naturally - like when a fiancee went to Thailand with the Peace Corps. His job was to distribute panties that said, "Wear A Condom." Weird, huh?

V.V. I think you've hit upon one of the distinctions between Narcissists and Passive-Aggressives. Narcissists insist upon their own superiority. Other than that, same shit different day. And I am SO looking forward to the day BK and I are no longer financially connected.

PENolan said...

Mr. C
I cannot believe that baby was humping a doll with such enthusiasm.

mac said...

Buzz Kill's passive agressive attitude is common among exspouses...I know, I have one ;-)

I believe, at the very least, he was purposefully negligent. He simply doesn't give a shit about what is yours. That's no accident.

Sarah Palin is no accident either. She may not be the sharpest knofe in the drawer, but she is possessed of a fair degree of cunning.

Amanda said...

That was awesome. So awesome I had to read most of it aloud to my husband.

As for Sarah Palin, I waffle between being afraid of what would possibly happen if she got into power, and simply wanting to stamp my feet in frustration that she is still on my TV set. At a very basic level, she annoys.

PENolan said...

hey mac
I agree that the Palin/Beck audience is filled with Retards, and that Sarah Palin has a well developed skill for getting herself in the spotlight - but I'd like to know what happens when you follow the money trail leading to her. Who is paying for this yammering? Fox advertisers didn't make her McCain's running mate.

Since I'm currently fuming about the conflict of interest on the Supreme Court, I'll blame the teabaggers - even though I swear Karl Rove started it when they made her McCain's VP. Maybe Karl Rove and Dick Cheney can control her if she runs for President as a Republican. Waterboarding comes to mind.

Amanda, what a lovely complement.

no_slappz said...

Sarah Palin is not heading for the Republican nomination. Her role is to function as the Stalking Horse, who will absorb the slings and arrows of Democrats, then step aside as the nominee moves into position.

Susan Tiner said...

You are TOO funny. I'm still trying to get the distinction between narcissists and passive-agreessives. Can you do a whole post just on that?

I agree with no_slappz.

PENolan said...

One of these days, Susan, maybe I will especially since Narcissism has become so pervasive in this country that I've heard that it will not be listed as a disorder in the DSM-V.

verymissmary said...

Your treatise on RETARDS is a keeper! So true. Lord, now some of us have to go and change our adult diapers on accountuh we laughed so hard.

While I may agree in theory with Mr. Charleston's concept of mental health (it's cheaper to hire a painter than to go through what you are) I see he is missing some vital puzzle peices here. Dude, do you really think her friends have not suggested it? I will drop by for a clear understanding of relationships and am looking forward to it. In the meantime, I can't be the only one to suspect that the very goal of the passive-aggressive person (albeit unconscious?) is to get a hit. Yes! They get turned on! A big old hard on is what they get from upsetting others. Do they know it? What happens if/when they do? Well...if you know someone unconsciously gets a hit from being nasty? What would you teach your kid to do in that situation? I strongly feel this is what we have to give ourselves. That kind of passive-aggressive mediocrity will always be around...it's everywhere in our culture. The gift in personal relationships would be to learn to walk away from it. Politics might require another process.

PENolan said...

As it happens, I have pursued hiring someone since at this point it would only take a couple of concentrated days to finish the project especially if Velvet is the assistant. Sadly, the fellow I want to do this job - which included supervising Velvet - is only available on weekends. He's a former military man himself with a soft spot for promising young men who are currently Dumb as Dirt.
The timing may not work out.

Too bad I couldn't just draft Mr. C for the job. He'd be perfect for supervising Velvet.

VMM, Excellent observation. It's a sad day when a wife realizes that the only way she can get her husband excited is to participate in the passive-aggressive spiral of doom that characterized our marital dysfunction.

I'm not even addressing ED, here ;)

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