Thursday, June 4, 2009

Mercury Retrograde

Thank Heavens that Mercury has gone direct again.

I had forgotten that Mercury has been retrograde during these past few weeks. Intergalactic PMS - No wonder it took Whoopi Goldberg to straighten out the Space Time Continuum. This time things were so convoluted it took the powers of The Space Mammy to make things right. I say that with the great respect Mammies everywhere have always deserved.

Some people denigrated Areatha Franklin's Inaugural Party Hat as Mammified. As if Mammies weren't some of the most influential, powerful women ever to walk the planet - or the galaxy for that matter.

Faced with such determination to fight for what is Right and True, every now and then the Universe must comply which is how Whoopi straightened out the Space Time Continuum on Star Trek NG last night.

Even if the music of the spheres is back in tune, a quick look at current events in real life shows that, as usual, people are fucked up. Any way you look at it, a Christian extremist taking out a man while he's on the Church lawn and G. Gordon Liddy, of all people, making remarks about a Supreme Court Justice and PMS in the same sentence is just fucked up.
I wish Mercury coming out of retrograde would fix that.

I've been battling a low grade depression for a couple of weeks, but Susan Miller's Astrology Zone promises I'll be feeling better any minute because Geminis feel Mercury Retrograde more than most folks because we're ruled by the planet Mercury.

Unfortunately, I'm fairly certain Mercury Retrograde does not explain the recent discord between Velvet and me regarding his unswerving conviction that life is a nonstop Velvet centered fiesta.

He and Cupcake are going to the prom tomorrow night after all. I wish I were more enthusiastic about how cute he is and stuff, but I'm too annoyed by his insistence that it takes him four days to get around to vacuuming the taco chip crumbs off the living room floor on account of he's so busy. All he's been doing for days and days is partying with his buddies, and the worst part is he wouldn't have any money to party on if it weren't for his allowance. And who is to blame for that?

I need no Mammy to point out it's all my own fault. It would be delightful to blame this situation on Buzz Kill, but at most he's only partially responsible.

I'm told this sort of conflict is typical when it's time to start separating. Much easier to say Good-Bye to your college bound child when you're ready to bust him upside the head.

It's also coming up on the first anniversary of Granny the Ho's ascension into The Great Beyond. Naturally, I continue to have a soundtrack to boost my saggy spirits.
I think Joan Jett is 50 too.

Love Is All Around (Mary Tyler Moore TV Theme Cover) - Joan Jett


Blogger themom said...

So all that stuff is to blame for this past week of vile stuff? thanks for the insight. I was afraid everyone had lost their minds. Well actually I do believe that some of the men "in the news" this week are lacking a full load of gray matter. As for the birthday...I tell people I am 68 - and they tell me how great I look for my age. I'll never tell them I added 10 years. :)

June 4, 2009 at 11:47 AM  
Blogger Life As I Know It Now said...

well I hope the change in planet direction soon sets you to rights!

June 4, 2009 at 6:06 PM  
Blogger La Belette Rouge said...

I used to read Susan's forecasts as I love to hear everything is about to be much better. However there were a few months in which she predicted gloom and doom. From then on I had my HE-weasel read the forecast before I did. I didn't want to read it is she said something bad. However, when he said not to read it then I would be semi-haunted by the fact that something bad might happen only I wouldn't know what to expect. I am too suggestible so I quit reading it altogether.

I hope the moon goes into your happy house very soon.:-)

June 5, 2009 at 2:47 PM  
Blogger jadedj said...

Gawd almighty, you do make me laugh! This is just one of the ha ha(s)..."Much easier to say Good-Bye to your college bound child when you're ready to bust him upside the head".

Ah yes. G. Gordon. I have always been suspicious of people who use initials instead of names. G is for, gonads? Or an excessive number of? Whatever. If anyone ever needed to be dumped into a black hole, it was (is) G. Gordon.

I would love for Mammie Goldie to meet "G" Gordon in a dark fucking alley. Now there's an entire week of blog posts.

June 5, 2009 at 8:44 PM  
Blogger PENolan said...

I know - G. Gordon Liddy. He burst upon my consciousness during the Watergate hearings my mother watched endlessly when I was a kid.

Never upon the earth walked a bigger douchebag than G. Gordon Liddy.

When I get good enough with my twirling, I'm chucking my great granddaddy's 1912 Remington straight at that fuck head.

June 5, 2009 at 9:48 PM  
Blogger jadedj said...

That's what I mean. Twirling that double ought six...what a vision in my head...laughing my ass off (deserves more than just initials...deserves spelling it out....Laughing My Ass Off).

June 5, 2009 at 9:57 PM  
Blogger Gail said...

Huh. I ma pretty sure I commented on this post. Huh. Although with this miserable cold and all my mind is half empty, or altered, fuzzy and so forth.
I still am delighted by your writing style and humor, even with half a mind I can laugh.
I am working on clarity - phew.

Love to you

June 6, 2009 at 10:53 AM  
Blogger PENolan said...

Whoopi Goldberg and the space time continuum have been on my mind lately. That's why you think you've already read this post.

Or perhaps the space time continuum is more fucked up than I thought.

June 6, 2009 at 7:34 PM  

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