Plenty Of Fish

Thank G*d I'm getting hit on like crazy at Plenty of Fish. My photo rates "Good Catch" of 7.5 - 8 with the younger guys and 10 with my own age group. Even the women think I'm hot. Whew! And I've been propositioned already by a 33 year old hottie - if you believe what you see and hear on the internet and I don't. But still, it's nice to have someone pay attention to me since I've been sad and blue and thinking I'll never ever have another boyfriend. I'll try to banish the image of the pudgy middle aged married man sitting in front of a web cam in his bikini briefs hoping for cyber sex. And if you're out there HPF, I'm talking to you.

I have an eHarmonious Encounter next week with a handsome attorney who summers in Montauk. He lives out on Long Island, though. I was never optimistic, and now I'm afraid he's a Republican. They have Republicans out there. He doesn't mention an ex wife or kids. So either he's 51 and never married which is usually a bad sign. Or his Ex-wife is crazy as hell which might be interesting.

I like Plenty of Fish better than eHarmony and Perfectmatch because it's more casual. I wish they had a box to check for "smokes weed moderately" like they have for Drinks: No, Socially, Moderately, Frequently. All they have is, "Do you do drugs? Yes or No." I feel like Bill Clinton saying "that depends on what you mean by 'is'."

It's really not fair about weed.

I don't care what people say, I still love Bill Clinton. I've tried to expalin to a couple of guys that I wanted a monogamous relationship with Clinton Rules. Bill Clinton gave America a lot of wiggle room. As it happens, The Man from San Antone has a nodding acquaintance with Bill Clinton in Las Vegas. I'm sure we'll never know what that means, exactly - especially since he was acquainted with Charlie Wilson too. Now that is a date I'm eagerly anticipating. I hope his business in New York City isn't rescheduled.

Sunday Update
Hooray! I've caught a three hotties on Plenty of Fish. A Wall Streeter who looks like John John Kennedy, a 39 year old attorney, and a handsome marketing executive from a NJ suburb. Normally, I don't date guys from NJ, but Montclair and Upper Montclair are very nice and he's got silver hair and a killer smile. The 39 year old doesn't have kids, the older guy's kids are grown and John John's has a daughter the same age as my son (could be trouble in the sitcom of my life, folks).

I have to confess that while the idea of new men is intriguing, tears come when I consider the reality. I'm still missing that old boyfriend something fierce. In trying to reconcile the hurt and confusion, I'm thinking that I miss the man I wish he were, not the one who let me down. He couldn't help it, and I doubt he understands. In my secret heart, I'm still hoping it will all work out, and I doubt that too.

So I jump from the frying pan back into the fire, complete with my heart on my sleeve where it's always been. The good news is that I have a clearer picture of what I was so afraid of in the big wide world that I was willing to compromise my integrity as an individual in order to feel safe. I suspect that idea is making me cry as much as anything. The trauma thing is tricky especially since some of those wounds are old, deep and never really heal. As I struggle to remain a victor instead of a victim, it's nice to know thousands of women (and more than a few men) out there understand completely. Here's a high five to all of us.

Velvet is with Buzz Kill so I can celebrate the new lunar cycle in peace tonight. New moon was last night, so it's time to nurture growth.