Are These Your Panties? or What is it with Underwear in this House?

This morning my mother is wondering why mainstream media isn't making a bigger deal about John McCain's transition chief being a lobbyist for Saddam Hussein. This good ol' boy worked with two men were working as unregistered agents of Saddam's government, and at the time Iraq was considered a rogue enemy of the state and supporter of terrorist. If the oil deal had gone through, Timmons would have shared in $45 million. I am surprised Mother even asks the question because, living in Houston, she's constantly dodging limos filled with George Herbert Walker's Saudi friends. That Well-Known Patriot John McCain, who wouldn't talk to Imadinnerjacket, would cheerfully support doing business with Saddam Hussein sounds par for the course to me. Having a dialogue with people who hate us is one thing; making money off them is quite another. It's just business.

Mother gets up and reads the political blogs, mostly Huffington Post which must be where she saw about William Timmons, the aforementioned transition chief. Mother likes Mahablog and the Burnt Orange Report, too. I must admit that most of my political information comes from my mother. This morning she also told me that in the comments on Huffington, a nun from San Francisco begged everyone's pardon for interrupting the tirades about Sarah Palin and shit to point out that the food banks don't have any food. The nun has the right idea. Everybody from coast to coast can yammer on about the candidates and all the big issues, but local issues and other groups still need attention.

Furthermore, I can't understand how ANYONE could still be undecided at this point. I hear there are plenty of undecided voters, and both candidates are hoping that some people will change their minds. Mother personally knows two individuals - both rich white men - who have said out loud that they can't see their way clear to vote for a black man. One wonders just how many people are thinking the same thing but won't say it out loud.

The good thing about Texas is that plenty of people think it's fine to say all manner of things out loud, so we all know where we stand. The other good thing is that often these individuals are some variety of Conservative Christian (although one of Mother's racist friends is Jewish) so they are generally part of the solid Republican base which would have voted for McCain even if Barak Obama happened to be as white as Biden's overwhelmingly blond family.

All this political stuff is very important - and I hope people across the nation will get their butts out to vote for Obama on Nov 4. But we can't lose sight of every day concerns like the nun and her food bank.

At the moment, I'd like to know whose pink thong was in Velvet's laundry hamper.

He said he had no idea who the panties belonged to or how they got there. In his defense, it is possible that when Gigi was staying here in August, a pair of her panties might have gone missing and wound up in Velvet's dirty clothes hamper. There was an old set of sheets that had been in the hamper since August because I've only been dealing with the top layer of dirty clothes for a while. Sunday night, I decided to wash all the damn clothes and when I pulled out that old set of sheets, I got a pantie surprise.

Frankly, I have never been able to understand how someone could come into a place wearing his/her underwear and leave without that underwear without noticing. I suppose the drunk girl in the bathroom (Stoner Date 08.19.08) might have lost her drawers - but these look too small for her and they are Gigi's style and size. Either way, Velvet didn't know about the Drunk Girl in the Bathroom either. And I don't think that Velvet has been playing dress up. He's not a bit like his uncle Jenifer was at that age. Velvet might keep panties for a souvenir, but he wouldn't be wearing them - and I hope he has enough sentimentality to keep souvenirs somewhere more suitable than the laundry hamper.

As it happens, about one year ago this month that I got a pantie surprise from Rhonda Gayle. I'm very grateful that no matter whose pink panties these are, they are perfectly presentable. I may have gone overboard with the lecture I delivered to Velvet and his friends about NEVER having any kind of sexual contact with ANYONE who wears awful, nasty, skanky panties. You never know what other issues are going to go along with that kind of conduct. I'm not saying it's immoral to wear skanky panties - I'm just saying people with that kind of hygiene issue may be mentally ill in a way that lead to all kinds of trouble.

I'm still hoping the pink panties are Gigi's. She was in Chicago for the weekend when I called to find out if she was missing a hot pink thong. She couldn't recall, but even though the panties are in good shape, they are clearly second string panties because it's easy to see they are kind of old and weren't expensive in the first place. It's entirely possible that she wouldn't notice that they'd gone missing especially since she was in the middle of moving back to New York at the time and her stuff was scattered far and wide.

The most ridiculous moment so far occurred when Velvet suggested that they could be my own panties. Like (1) I wouldn't recognize my own drawers and (2) I'd ever wear a thong. If I were a thin woman, I might consider wearing panties that tiny, but the fact is that I'd look like a sumo wrestler. I may be guilty of spending over $30 for a single pair of underpants, but when a woman is of a certain age, she might want to consider saying goodbye to flimsy lingerie and hello to foundation garments. At the right shop with a decent budget, you can look more like a Vargas girl than the Sears Catalogue.