Monday, November 16, 2009


I'm getting ready to read at KGB on Thursday. I fleshed out the story of the Drunk Girl in the Bathroom which was on the blog last year which should take about 7 - 8 minutes and then I'm reading a chapter from that book I've been talking about forever.

Here's an excerpt to prove the book is not a figment of my imagination. It's about what I was thinking when Velvet was a tiny baby.
Fortunately, the baby started smiling at me after a few weeks and I finally had moments of tenderness, but it was still like being trapped in the house with someone on acid. He stared at his feet in fascination. He’d be peaceful then start screaming for no apparent reason, completely freaked out by his own stomach growling. Nobody – not the nurses, not the OB/Gyn, not my own mother, my grandmothers, nobody in the books and especially not the other mothers at breastfeeding support group – nobody ever mentioned that it was perfectly normal for a new mother to feel so thoroughly overwhelmed that she might imagine locking the baby in a closet under a few pillows until he stopped crying. So naturally I thought I was the only mother who hated having a baby, and being a grown woman with a nice husband and home, I didn't have a good excuse for giving this baby away like I would have if I were a 16 years old crack whore.
There are lots of things I won't talk about in public because I am afraid people will holler at me. Talking about hating the baby feels just as socially unacceptable, but I have a feeling that lots of people hated it when their kids were infants and will be glad the topic is on the table, although this week at KGB, I'll probably be one of the few people there who is a parent. The audience for Drunken!Careening!Writers! tends to be Gay/Lesbian/Bi Singles. I've seen some straight men there, but the only time I ever got a date from KGB it was with the man who owned the joint which wasn't bad, but it wasn't much either -- most likely because he could be considered sexually ambiguous himself.

Actually, I'm pretty sure some women have mentioned hating the baby in the beginning in recent parenting books or books about women's issues. I'm a woman and I'm a parent, but that's not what the book is about.
As it happens, the book is about sex.
And that's all I'm saying on the internet.


Midlife Jobhunter said...

Well, good luck with it. Enjoy.

Anonymous said...

Knock em dead Trish. I know you will, but anyway.

Gail said...

Hi Trish-

Good excerpt. Is it at the same place? I will let my son know.

And I get the whole hate the baby thing - I so wanted to give her away or back - I cried all the time for the first few months. Odd thing? I only felt that way with the first - the other two? I enjoyed every moment.

Love you

Liberality said...

I think that your hormones are doing a nosedive too about then and that messes you up emotionally. Plus, yes, it is an overwhelming responsibility that can make you wish to god you wouldn't have had that kid.

I know I did that with my first one too. I was overwhelmed and depressed at first. And I agree with Gail, the second one I didn't have the emotional extremes and the bonding happened faster.

Good luck with your reading.

PENolan said...

Thanks, friends. It's always a fun night, and Gail, it's the same place. Hopefully he's already on the email list since he's been before.

I imagine that with the second, you're already used to the idea that you're totally responsible for this little, bitty being and don't have a clue what s/he needs.
I never felt so inept in my life.

Bruce said...

Sorry Trish, I have been absent... I have been so busy that I have had hardly any time to visit. But hello and good luck with the reading.

Jaliya said...

I'm not surprised that so many (all?) first-time mothers feel at a total loss ... I didn't have children, so I can only comment via observation ... The one thing that strikes me is the idiotic, almost total lack of cultural preparation for parenthood ... the ludicrous, overwhelming sunny-side-up advertising and bullshit that's aimed at young parents ... all the romanticizing of being a parent ... The powers that be don't want to acknowledge the darker side of parenting ... I can't think of any more heroic undertaking than to raise a child ...

Simon said...

Sex? Oh yes I remember that! It's what posh people in England get their coal delivered in!

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