Friday, July 22, 2011

A Little Wicked and Gone with the Wind: my new match profile

I'm still bumming out about Abilene Steve.  I liked him; I really did.  And he looked so good on paper that I liked him even more.  He's behaved like a gentleman in all this folderol so I'm not mad or anything.  He just can't get his head around the idea of somebody like me in his life.  Given that he's read all about the black man and the gay porn stars, I can see how that might happen.   He followed a link from Worldwide Hippies over here before we ever went out to dinner, and he seems to have had nothing but good intentions throughout.



Whatever.

I figure my original purpose in joining Match dot com remains the same - Steady Sex through these Dark Times.  Also, I need to continue to pursue my calling as Recruiter for the Resistance.  To that end, I wrote a new profile based on the rant I deleted the other day.  Match wouldn't let it through the censors because I said I'd be sparking up a fat one and preparing The 420 Report from Menopausal Stoners World Headquarters.  The computer said that I'd made statements referencing violence or illegal activity.  You bet I did - I just said Storm the Bastille with Worldwide Hippies, but that wasn't a problem. 420 is a problem.
A Little Wicked and Gone With the Wind
When I signed up for Match a couple of months ago, I was thinking that since we're watching the decline of the American Empire from the front row these days, I may as well get laid. It wasn't so difficult for a female to get laid years ago, when we were college kids. But then, guys in their 20s didn't have issues with dating women who were their own age like so many men in their fifties do here on Match. And guys were happy with women whose bodies were "About Average" or "Curvy." They certainly weren't sporting beer guts and claiming to be Athletic and Toned while posting photos of themselves in convertibles as if they were Male Enhancement advertisements - but then, the Internet hadn't been invented yet. No telling what would have happened if we'd have had the internet instead of Discos and Keg Parties.

During the promiscuous period around my divorce, I learned that despite years of despair over sex in my marriage - I really like getting laid. I'm not into NSA relationships at all because (1) I fully believe that sex is better when you've had the time to learn about each other and (2) The whole No Strings Attached idea is an invitation for Herpes. Some people consider the effort necessary to build a foundation to be Work or Pressure. Maybe the time and effort it takes to build a relationship is Work when you're with the wrong person, but with the right one (or two) it's exciting, stimulating and fun. Besides, there are all kinds of relationships. When you know how to be real with somebody, you can balance intimacy and independence. And you can have somebody in your life without having him/her in your house all the time.
So between finding myself unable to Wink or Email those men who won't date curvy women their own age, and one disappointment - I've had to get used to the idea that I'm stuck with BOB, my battery operated boyfriend. Bob doesn't have much to say, but there's none of the cycle of Anticipation and Disappointment that goes along with Dating in general.

My membership will expire in early August. After that, interested parties can find me on the internet via Worldwide Hippies. I'll be focusing on the Intersection of Art and Activism and plotting to Storm the Bastille with my counter culture buddies.

*NOTE* The numbers I plugged into the age range and distance categories were chosen randomly. If we met at a party, I wouldn't immediately ask you how old you are, and I hope you wouldn't ask me either. As for distance, I'm a confirmed city dweller, but for the right person, I'd be glad to jump on the train for an hour or two, and I'd enjoy making a fuss over him when he came into the city occasionally. Actually, I'd be glad to do lots of things for the right person, and maybe one day we'll find each other.
Sincerely,
PENolan

I haven't decided whether to post the tits or not.  I just submitted this one from Dr. Monkey's Graphic Novel, Hip Deep Mountain High



The censors at Match have cleared this photo for posting once and denied it once. We'll see what happens tonight.

*UPDATE* Match dot com censors have refused to use the photo for a long list of broken rules - not the least of which referenced children under 18.
Curses.  Foiled Again.

9 comments:

Lisa said...

I'm hoping you find the right person to be happy and satisfied with, whatever that means.

I'm so fucking naive. I had no idea how hard it was to be single at this point in our lives. I guess I'm comfortably numb.

I'd love to take a crack at hooking you up with someone. My matchmaking record used to be pretty good - 3 marriages, only one divorce.

Stupid distance. Stupid bastille. Stupid Match for fretting over The Fat One.

PENolan said...

No Fucking Shit.

And the worst part is that when I first read "fretting about the fat one," I thought you meant ME not the reefer. How's that for a direct hit to the self-esteem from the Match Environment.

Lisa said...

Oh god. Sorry. I do see how it brings you down. That just sucks. And the photo denied? That's absurd.

PENolan said...

Well, at least the Doctor and I have had a bit of a facebook joke over it. The general opinion is that Match dot com are Fascist Losers.

Vancouver Voyeur said...

Censored by Match.com, that's too funny. You're right btw, I was just having this conversation last week with a friend who's getting divorced. Relationships are not hard work if you're with the right person. I also like your honesty, "Steady Sex through these Dark Times." You should put that on a bumper sticker or t-shirt.

PENolan said...

Maybe if I made it my Match headline, somebody would notice . . .

Susan Tiner said...

I wish you lived closer so I could make you a lovely dinner. I think you will meet someone right, in time. It always takes time.

dissed said...

LOL and WTF. In equal parts. Fascist Losers are those who don't like strong women. Fine. Let them lose. Our time will come.

PENolan said...

May it be cumming soon, dissed ;)

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